All I can say is that I love you. I hope one day you will be able to let go of your fear and see that in life there are some things we can not control. This does not make you cursed or a bad person, and although it's human nature to look at ourselves to see how maybe we could have changed things, no answer will fix it.
“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”
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