A good friend of mine last night found themselves involved in a deep religious and philosophical conversation with me. We both, growing up in very religious families have grown to question the concept of a higher being and religion as a whole. We both experienced similar situations that led us to branch out on our own instead of becoming "Lambs" of a church.
My friend always intrigues me, mostly because after choosing to go down their own path of enlightenment they spent that time actually seeking out answers and studying the concept of religion as a whole. I on the other hand took a whole other route. I felt that the taste in my mouth was too bitter to swallow and chose to turn my back on the idea as a whole. As I found myself deeper and deeper into this conversation with my friend I realized that maybe I should throughly evaluate where I stand as far as religion and God is concerned.
Although my feelings for organized religion is stead fast, I realized a by product of my bitterness was the turning of my back on God. There has never been a point in my life where I didn't have faith or belief in God, but I always related the concept of him to my childhood days when the church in itself let me down. I am not one of those Christians that look at my life and blame God for anything that has gone wrong, however I certainly was upset I couldn't find support in a place that claimed to be the "House of God"
As I mulled over this I realized that my relationship with God, like many relationships in my life has dissolved. I also realized that due to this I really do try to shoulder all of my problems in life due to my lack of faith in humanity. So this morning well all those thoughts that plagued me once again found there place upon my shoulders, I prayed. I laid in my bed eyes closed and I told him everything. I asked him to help me find the strength to let go of those things I can't control, the peace to wait for the answers to some things while they find me, and the acceptance to understand that just because some of these answer may not be what I want, one day I will realize they were what I needed.
I'm not sure how this will pan out and honestly there are still going to moments where I feel frustrated with the lack of control I have over some situations, but this morning when I got up to take a shower I felt like it was all going to be ok. Everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be it's meant to be... Right? Sometimes I wish God had a Crystal ball where he could show me how it was all going to work out, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose of life if he did...
Over and Out
Your Modern Day Wanna Be Heroin
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