Love... You make me sick

What happened to boy meets girl, boy dates girl, Boy loves girl...

Does that happen? Or do we sit here and invest ourselves into deluded possibilities? Do we hope that if we just give ourselves away they might actually notice you? Maybe that's exactly what we our not suppose to do. Is there a switch in our hearts that someone forgot to tell you about? Is this the doom that we set ourselves up for?

How do you just turn it off. How do you keep yourself from falling? How do you enter the middle ground of platonic? I'm so sick of hearing how people will enter some sub par relationship that they have no intention of actually making a real one.

I just want it to be real for once

Cause this is my diary screaming out loud

I originally started this for a friend. However, it turned more into a personal journal with nothing more but my own thoughts occupying this page (and the one random visitor that found me).

The last two months have been a journey unlike any other. I walk away each day exhausted and reeling. The joy have having one more x chromosome than my fellow male comrades is the ability to let my thoughts veer off into many paths. As of lately my mind has been taking off in so many ways, filled with the analysis of situations I have never found myself in before. To be honest, I'm scared shitless.

It is my nature to shut down when life starts to get a little scary, but I'm still here trying to make the best in a world with absolutely no certainty. It can be overwhelming laying everything out bare for the world to look out on hoping that there will one day be a return unlike anything I could imagine.

Until then...

Well...

I guess I'll see tomorrow

Tossing and Turning

Why is it the older you get the more complicated life becomes? We experience things we can't take back and although we try to move forward our past still haunts our future. It's tragic these stories. They break our hearts and torture our souls. As someone who has her own skeletons I have no answers on how to bury them. The hardest part of growing up is hearing the hurt in the ones you love. All you want to do is take away the pain and tell them that it's ok to move forward. But, no words can satisfy the need of a crying soul.

All I can say is that I love you. I hope one day you will be able to let go of your fear and see that in life there are some things we can not control. This does not make you cursed or a bad person, and although it's human nature to look at ourselves to see how maybe we could have changed things, no answer will fix it.

“One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.”