Today I Prayed

A good friend of mine last night found themselves involved in a deep religious and philosophical conversation with me. We both, growing up in very religious families have grown to question the concept of a higher being and religion as a whole. We both experienced similar situations that led us to branch out on our own instead of becoming "Lambs" of a church.

My friend always intrigues me, mostly because after choosing to go down their own path of enlightenment they spent that time actually seeking out answers and studying the concept of religion as a whole. I on the other hand took a whole other route. I felt that the taste in my mouth was too bitter to swallow and chose to turn my back on the idea as a whole. As I found myself deeper and deeper into this conversation with my friend I realized that maybe I should throughly evaluate where I stand as far as religion and God is concerned.

Although my feelings for organized religion is stead fast, I realized a by product of my bitterness was the turning of my back on God. There has never been a point in my life where I didn't have faith or belief in God, but I always related the concept of him to my childhood days when the church in itself let me down. I am not one of those Christians that look at my life and blame God for anything that has gone wrong, however I certainly was upset I couldn't find support in a place that claimed to be the "House of God"

As I mulled over this I realized that my relationship with God, like many relationships in my life has dissolved. I also realized that due to this I really do try to shoulder all of my problems in life due to my lack of faith in humanity. So this morning well all those thoughts that plagued me once again found there place upon my shoulders, I prayed. I laid in my bed eyes closed and I told him everything. I asked him to help me find the strength to let go of those things I can't control, the peace to wait for the answers to some things while they find me, and the acceptance to understand that just because some of these answer may not be what I want, one day I will realize they were what I needed.

I'm not sure how this will pan out and honestly there are still going to moments where I feel frustrated with the lack of control I have over some situations, but this morning when I got up to take a shower I felt like it was all going to be ok. Everything happens for a reason and if it's meant to be it's meant to be... Right? Sometimes I wish God had a Crystal ball where he could show me how it was all going to work out, but I suppose that would defeat the purpose of life if he did...

Over and Out
Your Modern Day Wanna Be Heroin

A Day Late and a Buck Short

Why is it that we as a society have an incessant need to focus on the flaws of those around us. Are we just that apt to project our own problems onto others as to blind ourselves from our own shortcomings? I can't help but think, would the world be a better place if we took the time as individuals to accept our flaws and work on ones self versus spending our time and energy on others? There is no manual on how one should or shouldn't live life, so why does the human race feel they have all the answers and push them onto their peers?

On my path of enlightenment, and by enlightenment I mean growing up, I have noticed that those around me spend a good portion of their time telling me what to do. Now I in no way can say I have it figured out. As a matter of fact my complete openness to being lost in this life may be why others spend there time trying to improve my life. But, in some ways I feel like I'm 5 years old again and the people surrounding me have taken the roll of my parents. I know they want nothing but the best for me, but after 25 years I can only assume I must have some grasp on life and how to survive it. I may not be conventional and I definitely work against the mold, but in all honesty what is life but ones playground to find new ways to live it.

If I spent my life mimicking what worked for the guy standing next to me, what exactly is it that I would gain from life? I might find success, I may find an easy way to get around the hurdles of life, But what do I learn? In my mind all I think is that I get to learn exactly what that guy learned. Well... we only live once, why would I want to live a life that has already been figured out. If I only get one shot I would much rather stumble all over the place off the beaten path than live my life following the beaten path the guy before me made.

I may never have all the answers, but I take pride in knowing that the answers I do have no one gave to me.